Not Without My Shoes


We must be our own before we can be another’s.   Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you know me, you know how much I love to wear five-inch heels. I am constantly asked how I can walk in them and to be honest, I have to be very careful because I am extremely clumsy. Twice in the same week I took a knee in my heels. Crossing the parking lot after work, I tripped over absolutely nothing. A student saw me crumble to the ground and didn’t know how to react until I started laughing. Then a few days later as I was leaving a high school wrestling match, I fell again. Messed up some cute shoes, both times. Navigating where I walk is a normal part of my day, one small pebble can send me to the ground. Yes, I walk slower and stairs are a challenge, but it’s a small sacrifice that I am willing to make.

After my divorce I had a friend who wanted to set me up on a date but she looked at my shoes and said, “Don’t wear heels. At least not the first time.” Understanding that my height would be an issue for my lunch date, I put on some boots with no heels. The date went okay and we ended up going out a few more times so I continued to wear shoes with no heels. For many (MANY) other reasons, he and I didn’t ultimately work out but after I stopped seeing him, I happily began wearing my heels again.

Eventually, I was asked to go out on a date by someone who met me when I was wearing flip-flops. We got along great, but the guy was not much taller than me. Here was another situation where my heel height might be a problem and I couldn’t help but think, “Not this again!” Talking about this new relationship with friends I mentioned possibly giving up my heels. The guy never said the slight height difference bothered him, but I never wanted to make him uncomfortable, so I once again sacrificed my precious heels to please someone else.  It probably comes as no surprise, this relationship didn’t go anywhere either. However, what it did do, was cause me to ask myself why I was willing to give up something I love for someone else? Why did I want to do this after not even really knowing much about the other person? Why was I always tearing parts of myself away for the sake of others?

It’s not just small things like my shoes that I have been willing to change or compromise for others, I have forfeited other elements of me that are important as well. In my marriage, I became a person I didn’t know (or like) as I stripped away the person I was, to try and make a relationship work that wasn’t ever right for me. Giving up so much of myself over the years, made me feel miserable. As time has passed I have learned how to be me again and I am much happier. I have also realized that not everyone is going to like me, and that’s okay. Those parts of me, that make me Judy, I don’t want to let go of. I do love God and have a relationship with Him. I like to eat tomatoes for breakfast and Cheerios for dinner. Most days, I speak with a voice that is strong and direct, so you will clearly know where you stand with me. (And trust me, you will visibly know how I feel by looking at my face. The friends that truly know me accept and appreciate this about me.)

I have wasted years of my life changing and giving up who I am and what I want out of a relationship, to try to please someone else. I just can’t do that to myself anymore. Even though I struggle with believing its true, God has somebody out there for me who is going to love me for me and make me a priority. This man is going to want to marry me and spend forever with me, just as I am, because I know the only way I am giving up my heels, is to live in and walk on the streets of London.

With love,


Tomorrow look for “The Better Half”!!

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  • Roshawna

    One door close and another door opens.

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